Desperately in need of advice

Mission Forums Cross Dresser’s Wives Forum Desperately in need of advice

This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  bugatti 2 years, 5 months ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #835

    Han
    Participant

    My husband has been cross dressing for a long time. We have been married for 2 years. He hides it from everyone except me and I don’t mind that he has more dresses than me. But I still feel so new to this and don’t know where to go. Don’t know who I can talk to. Feeling so lost.

  • #837

    Han
    Participant

    Also has anyone actually been able to make it work? Everyone on here seems to be separating.

  • #838

    Shelly
    Participant

    Han,

    You seem to be OK with this…but then, in your post heading, it appears like something else is going on. Is it just that you are feeling very isolated? Or do you have questions about what this all means?

    There are a few crossdressing support sites out there that have half-decently active Spouses Corners. These could be useful to you if you just need to share with other women who support crossdressing in their mates. If you decide to go that route, keep in mind that the advice that will be given to you is coming from a “crossdressing support” angle. This means that, unfortunately for the wife, most of the troubling aspects of this behavior will be sugar-coated, dismissed, or minimized.

    I left my marriage with a crossdresser many years ago. Young kids. No education. No job. Stress-related bad health. For me, this was something that I couldn’t live with…I tried, I truly did. For years. I found that my ex-husband’s crossdressing was attached to unlimited lies, manipulation, and abuse that escalated along with his behavior. But that was me. You are you. If this is something that you have no problem with, then go for it…enjoy and be happy. Just keep your eyes open. If your brain can’t make sense out of his actions or words, know that it is probably not you .

    You are right about this forum…it is for women who struggle with this. Many of us are not cheerleaders for husbands who have hurt us deeply by hiding their secret lives, hiding their shopping sprees, hiding their desires, covering up their actions, only to have it all come gushing out years into the relationship, after kids were added, and our choices are very limited. That doesn’t mean that we would not support you. Your decisions are your own, and this crossdressing thing can be difficult to comprehend for someone who has never gone through it.

    If you need someone to cheer you on and bolster you as you support your husband in his activities, this forum might not be your best bet. But if you want to temper the cheerleading you’ll find on other forums with level-headed, brutally honest (possibly just a bit biased in the opposite direction!) advice or experiences from women who care about you and have been in similar situations, welcome!

    Shelly

  • #839

    Beatrice
    Participant

    Hi Han
    We are happily married and have no plans to seperate what so ever.
    What took me years was to find people who can help both me and my husband. If you aquire more accurate information about cd and how it influence your life and your cd’s life, it can enable you to make better choices as to how you want to live the rest of you live. As for me: I am happily married to my husband. It is difficult to explain, took years and is complicated, but he can contain his cd in a way that does not bother me now. Talk to Dee and Tim the site advisor.

  • #840

    bugatti
    Participant

    In the past I also felt lost. And alone. But I am happy now. My husband’s CD changed me. It changed the way I think about life, values, wrong and right. In the past I was hell bent on not making mistakes. Not handling this HUGE life changer that I got with my marriage in the wrong way. I did not want to break any life rules. Or do something religiously wrong. How his CD changed me: I value life more. I value the experience of being thankful for every day that I don’t carry that debilitating sadness of not being good enough to be “his only” with me. This sounds really cheesy, I know. But I value the fact that I am healthy, that my choices because of everything I’ve dealt with may sometimes be wrong. I am not as scared to make mistakes anymore. I am much more in tune with what I want. I’ve realized I’ve been trying to accommodate his behavior, how he feels and how occupied he is with this too much. These days I’m not focusing so much on him. I do what I want. I make decisions that will benefit ME and our kids in the long run. For years and years I sacrificed my life, my ideals and how I think a perfect marriage should be to accommodate him. Not anymore.

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