November 17, 2015 at 10:16 pm #688
20+ years of being together
And after two years of knowing
High anxiety, tears, confusion, feeling betrayed…
And yes, he’s a great guy, wonderful father.
But he wants to spend time as a woman – and not just at home.
I just can’t carry the burden of his identity crisis.
The decision was hard to make, but I think I have gone through the many stages of grief. Grief for the loss of what I thought we had. And grief for what I thought was my future. I’m now in the final stage of grief – “acceptance” and the realization that this does not have to define me and this is not my problem.
One phrase my therapist said helped: “you are never going to wake up and suddenly have a crystal clear decision. You have to make the decision.”
I’ve made the decision. I want the old me back – the happy, fun loving me. Perhaps I’ll even find a partner who is honest and at peace with himself.
It’s a hard and horrible decision, but I can also see the positive aspects of moving forward, and compared to the world and all its problems – I am going to be fine.
I’m sure you’ve guessed by now…
I would never have believed I had the courage in me to ever think this way. Secretly I feel a little excited.
And some days – downright sad, scared, and really angry that I have to deal with this. I was in this relationship 100%. He was in it as a part timer. He still wants to be in it as a part timer. He can’t understand why we need to separate.
I’m the one being proactive now. Time for me to take a big deep breath and keep moving forward.
It’s hard, but I’m doing it.
November 18, 2015 at 5:52 pm #689
You have made a very difficult decision. I know that divorcing my ex was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do…and I have done some very difficult things.
Your emotions will probably be all over the place, but trust in yourself. There is very little support for the partners or ex-partners of these men. Allow yourself to vent, to be angry, to be sad. It truly is a tragedy when secrets are not disclosed to the ones who really need to be aware.
Wishing you the best
November 19, 2015 at 8:25 pm #690
Thank you Shelly.
My emotions are all over the place. And I second guess myself every few days or so. But when I look into the future, I know what I do and don’t want and that moves me forward. And plus, I think of all the things he has done behind my back “because he couldn’t help it.”
Thanks for your support. It does feel comforting to hear from others who have moved on. It is difficult.
January 6, 2016 at 4:42 am #713
I want to wish you the best, Janet. It caught my eye when you quoted, “because he couldn’t help it”. Say What!?! Even though I am accepting and a participant, that one has been pulled on me too. More than once. Amazing, isn’t it? Or, perhaps, amusing, when you really think about it. Good luck with the divorce, I am sure things will work out for you. Dawn.
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